Good Fences?

Did something stupid again. Notice how often that happens? My frequency of idiocy is definitely increasing as time goes on.

So here's the thing. Our old neighbour died year or two ago, and a young couple moved in. Since then they've ripped everything out of that house and renovated it to within an inch of its life. New tiles, new roof, renovated garage, new roof, new insulation... Everything new, except for the crappy old white picket fence between our lots. The husband comes up to me one day and says "Can we replace your fence?" I say "Sure. Your predecessor put up that fence and it's yours anyway. Do what you want with it." He asks if we can split the cost of new one with him and I say sure. I don't want a new fence, but he's a nice guy and why not? We don't want to offend them.

So they take about a week to rip out the old fence, and right then we have a plumbing disaster in our home. For three days or so I'm preoccupied with plumbing and handymen and the tremendous cost of replacing pipes, and while this is happening, at the fringes of my attention our neighbour has a giant construction project going on. He pulls out the old fence and has a half dozen guys in there (I think they're friends or relatives), he's pulling out the sidewalk on his side and pouring a new concrete deck, and there's this motorized cat putting in the fence posts, ripping up the fringe of our lawn (and his) and pounding a little of our garden flat with its tracks. I hate it, but... well, we've got plumbing problems to deal with, and I just don't want to antagonize the neighbours. They know what they're doing, right? Finally they get my Dad's permission to put this giant dumpster on our lawn and I can't take it so I approach one of the workers and ask them to move it. He says that they're already moving the dumpster because the ground is too sloped here, so no problem. Except that the lawn *collapsed* under the weight of that thing. It's a small, shallow crater, but still a crater. I ask them about it and they assure me that they'll fill it with dirt. The grass will grow back through.

So the handyman finally gets the pipes replaced and our plumbing crisis is over. I go outside to take a look at the new fence. It's huge, much bigger than old fence, and frankly it's ugly as heck. They've got the other side (facing their other neighbour) completely finished and about 30% of our side done, and I notice a problem. A BIG problem. This new fence is (I think) about three inches to the right of the old fence, way over on our side of the property line. You can still see one of the old post holes (the only one they haven't filled in yet, and it's pretty clear, at least to me.

I can't take it. They park their cars in front of our house all the time. They wrecked a small bit of our yard to build that ugly fence that we'll have to pay half the costs for, and I've said nothing about any of that. I tried to forget it, but this is too much. I HAVE to say something, but I don't want to cause trouble with them. Their predecessor was a mean old man and I vividly remember how awful it could be when he went on a tear about something. I don't want to be him, and I want to be friends with these people, but the fence is not on the property line where a fence should be. It's three inches or so on our side, making our lot smaller and their lot bigger. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that this dillema tearms me apart inside. I spend half the day and all the night going back and forth agonizing over the possibilities. The weekend is ruined. No sleep until about four in the morning. Finally I'm exhausted and fall asleep. The next morning I wake up, make Dad breakfast, and fall asleep again.

I wake later to the sound of my Dad and the neighbour's voices. (I have very good hearing and can usually hear people talking through the window.) My Dad, who listened to me go on and on like a crazy man the previous day, has decided to take the metaphorical bull by the horns. So he goes out while I'm asleep and talks to the neighbour about the fence. I can't tell make out what they're saying, but I'm imagining all kinds of awful possibilities as I jump into my clothes and hurry outside.

And they're having a nice conversation, very reasonable and friendly. I remember (sheepishly) that the neighbour is a nice guy who doesn't understand how he's hurting us, and I join my Dad. We talk for ten minutes or so, and I show the neighbour the old post hole. We go to the front of the yard and peer back along the old fence line, and he reluctantly admits that the fence does seem to be on our side. I leave him with that, suggesting nothing and hoping he'll do the right thing.

About an hour later he shows up at our door with his Real Property Report showing where the fence lines should be. (We don't have any such reports because our family has been living on our lot since the 60's, and they didn't have stuff like that then.) We have another reasonable, calm conversation where he makes it clear that it would be a lot of trouble and expense to pull the fence out and put it back, and look here, he's measured it with a tape measure and it's only about an inch on our side. Could we please leave it at that? My Dad agrees and I (coward that I am), leave it to my Dad.

So I spend about three hours stewing and it's like last night all over again. Well intentioned as he is, and accidental as it might be, I can't get past the idea that this guy is pushing us around and we're just taking it. I just can't get past it. I can't!

So I go back outside and ask the neighbour if we can call a surveyor. He's reluctant because he want to get the fence in before winter and this create a big delay, but he agrees. He even says he'll call the surveyor.

I thank him and go back inside, and it's SUCH A HUGE RELIEF. I feel like this tremendous weight has fallen off my shoulders and now I'm light as can be. That lasts for most of the day, but now I'm getting anxious again. I don't want to cause trouble, and I know that that's what this is, but I HAVE to do it. I have to know where that fence line is supposed to be.

And that's where we are right now. It's stupid and I'm a bastard for doing this, but I have to do it. It's like a compulsion that I can't control. So we'll see what happens.